


for you i would ruin myself (a million little times)

by wonderstruckk



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Cheating, F/F, Famous Beca, Post PP3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:14:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25926466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wonderstruckk/pseuds/wonderstruckk
Summary: She knows that it’s wrong; by all definitions of the word ‘cheating’, everything that they’re doing is so wrong, and Beca knows it. But here they are.
Relationships: Chloe Beale/Beca Mitchell, Chloe Beale/Original Character(s)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 163





	for you i would ruin myself (a million little times)

**Author's Note:**

> loosely based off the song "illicit affairs" by taylor swift.  
> super angsty and very unbeta'd (per the usual haha) but enjoy anyways <3

She knows that it’s wrong; by all definitions of the word ‘cheating’, everything that they’re doing is so wrong, and Beca knows it.

They never meant for it to happen, either. She’s always promised herself that she would never be the person to destroy a relationship, especially after her parents’ divorced because her dad cheated. She promised to never homewreck someone else’s relationship.

But here they are. 

Chloe is asleep on the right side of Beca’s bed; they always meet at Beca’s house, where no one will catch them. She looks so beautiful, so peaceful, and the way that the moonlight is reflecting off her red hair makes Beca’s heart flutter.

Beca wonders what excuse Chloe gave her husband tonight; Chloe never brings him up, and Beca never asks. 

She tries not to think about it too much, tries to ignore the knot in her stomach, but Beca’s always been a worrier, so instead, she spends most of her night just watching Chloe sleep, wishing that she could sleep so peacefully, too.

She allows herself to be consumed by the guilt and shame of sleeping with another man’s wife. She wonders if Andrew knows, or even suspects anything, or if he’s completely clueless. 

*

“When can I see you again?” Chloe asks her breathlessly the next morning, rolling off of Beca before climbing out of bed and starting to dress herself again.

“I have some press for the next couple weeks out in New York to promote the new album,” Beca replies with a tired sigh, sitting up in bed and watching as Chloe hurriedly steps into her leggings. 

Chloe nods, pursing her lips, but Beca can tell that she’s sad that it will be a while before they can see each other again.

“When do you leave?” Chloe mumbles against her lips, pulling her in for a slow, languid kiss. 

“Tomorrow morning,” Beca moans softly into Chloe’s mouth, allowing her hands to comb through Chloe’s hair. 

Chloe pulls back from their kiss, pouting slightly before letting out a sigh.

“I wish I could stay,” she whines. “But I have to go and-”

“No worries,” Beca assures her, feeling a pang of jealousy, knowing that Chloe will go home to her husband, and that he will get to have her for the next two weeks. “I’ll see you when I see you.”

Chloe opens her mouth to say something, but closes it after a second, almost as though she’s changed her mind. She presses a chaste kiss to Beca’s lips before seeing herself out.

Beca listens for the sound of the door closing and Chloe’s car pulling out of the driveway, but even after she knows that Chloe has left, she still feels uneasy.

*

_ Neither of them mean to start anything. Neither of them anticipate it.  _

_ Life has changed things for the both of them, including their relationship. After the girls get back from the USO Tour, Beca’s immediately moved out of their apartment in New York, and on the next flight to Los Angeles so that she can start working on an album with Khaled and his people. _

_ She really tries to stay in touch with the girls at first; they make plans to Skype once a week. But then life picks up again, and the Bella’s fall into the structure of their jobs and their lives, and Beca herself becomes busy with a life full of recording sessions and press and touring. _

_ Falling out of touch with Chloe happens gradually, and neither of them mean for it to happen, but they’re worlds apart with Chloe finishing out vet school in New York, and Beca all the way in L.A.  _

_ They text as often as they can, but that’s not always easy with concerts and album releases and award shows and vet clinicals and classes; the odds are not in their favor. _

_ Chloe never strays far from Beca’s mind, though. Chloe, who is her best friend, probably,  _ **_ever._ ** _ Chloe, who she’s been in love with for what feels like forever. _

_ Of all the things that Beca regrets, not telling Chloe the truth about her feelings is at the top of the list. She had hoped to, during the USO Tour, but then she’d caught Chloe with Chicago, and had decided against it. After all, she just wants Chloe to be happy, and this is probably the happiest that Beca’s seen Chloe in awhile.  _

_ She doesn’t get much time to dwell on it after that, not with her career picking up the way it does. It’s easy to forget about when she starts touring. It’s even easier to forget about when she takes someone new back to her hotel room every night. _

_ But when Chloe texts her for the first time in two years, Beca feels that familiar and dangerous lurch in her heart, and the telltale butterflies in her stomach. After all this time, Chloe still has enough of a gravitational pull to drag Beca back into her orbit. _

**_Chloe (11:51 p.m.)_ ** _ Hey! I know it’s been awhile and I’m sorry for not texting. Life has been SUPER busy for me. And for you too I’m sure rockstar!  _

**_Chloe:_ ** _ I heard one of your songs on the radio the other day at work and totally freaked out!  _

**_Chloe:_ ** _ Anyways just wanted to let you know that I’m moving to L.A. My husband just got a new job out there so we are flying in early next week. I would really love to catch up with you sometime.  _

**_Chloe:_ ** _ If you aren’t too busy! _

**_Chloe:_ ** _ If not, that’s totally cool too! _

_ She can’t help but laugh at Chloe’s texts, overflowing with her personality. Her stomach drops when she reads the word ‘husband’, feeling betrayed that Chloe chose to be with someone other than her, before she can remind herself that Chloe was never her’s to begin with. _

**_Beca: (11:55 p.m.)_ ** _ I would love to see you sometime. I have some time on Sunday if you want to grab lunch? _

**_Chloe (11:55 p.m.)_ ** _ Awes! Marking it down now! _

_ They spend the rest of the week texting, and somehow, it feels like no time has passed between them, and by the time Beca is getting ready to leave her house to meet Chloe, she just  _ **_knows_ ** _ in her heart of hearts, that this is a terrible idea. _

_ But instead of dwelling on it, she shoves it down, giving herself one last one-over in the mirror before getting into her car. _

*

The two weeks that Beca is in New York seem to drag on for what feels like years. Chloe wants nothing more than to fly out to New York herself, even if it’s just to watch Beca from afar. She finds herself routinely checking Beca’s social media (even though she  _ knows  _ that Beca makes her personal assistant handle that because she  _ hates  _ social media).

“Chlo, I’m headed out for the night,” Andrew calls out from across the room.

He’s pulling his suit jacket over his broad shoulders, offering her an easy smile as his hand wraps around the doorknob. She’s not sure where he’s going, but she assumes it’s probably a work-thing; Andrew’s the head of marketing for a company that sells watches. 

“Have fun!” she replies, mustering up an enthusiastic smile.

She only allows herself to relax once he’s left, settling into her favorite chair in their living room, doing her best not to think about the overwhelming feeling of relief when she is finally alone.

*

_ Falling in love with Andrew Nolan is the one thing that she never anticipated.  _

_ She’s just started her last semester of vet school, which means she’s interning at a clinic through the school; a requirement for her degree.  _

_ New York is a bit less lonely when she gets to surround herself with a bunch of cute pets, even if they end up hating her by the end of the appointment. She never anticipated staying in New York, she always figured that she’d end up following Beca wherever she went, but then the USO Tour happened, and Beca got the offer of a lifetime from Khaled and Amy found out that she had millions of dollars to her name. So here she is, alone in New York. _

_ It’s not so bad, especially when she has school and work to distract herself with, and she tries to keep in touch with the Bellas, but they’re all so busy with their lives that even that becomes more of a treat than a habit. _

_ Things with Chicago had fizzled out after about a month, when Chloe realized that a) she wasn’t cut out to be with someone in the military, and b) she was still stupidly in love with Beca.  _

_ She couldn’t remember a time where she wasn’t in love with Beca; she can never put her finger on the exact moment that she recognized those feelings. And maybe that’s why it’s so easy for her to fall out of touch with Beca. For the first time in almost ten years, their lives aren’t so sloppily intertwined, and Chloe finally has some space to breathe and accept the fact that Beca is  _ **_straight_ ** _ and that Beca doesn’t, no,  _ **_cannot_ ** _ love her in that way. _

_ It’s a slow morning at the clinic when they first meet. He comes in with his Cocker Spaniel, Daisy, just for a check up, and for the first time in a long time, Chloe feels herself laughing and smiling. He’s this tall, blonde man in jeans and a button down, with the most kind brown eyes that Chloe’s ever seen.  _

_ They exchange names, and phone numbers, and by the end of the week, he and Chloe have gone out on two dates. _

_ And she’s happy. Andrew is a nice guy, with a steady job and a nice family. They both love movies and animals and going for walks in the park. He makes her laugh and smile, he introduces her to his friends, to his parents, to his older brother. He takes her out on dates and to work events, like he’s proud to know her and to be a part of her life. _

_ Before she knows it, six months have passed since they’ve started dating. She’s just graduated from vet school and been offered a full-time position at the clinic she’s been interning at for the semester.  _

_ They’re out to dinner celebrating after the ceremony. One moment, she’s glancing down at her phone to reply to a text from her Mom, and the next, she’s looking up at Andrew, who is kneeling at her side with the most beautiful engagement ring that Chloe’s ever seen. _

_ She doesn’t think of Beca in that moment. Or of the fact that they’ve only been together for half a year. She just says yes, and pulls Andrew in for a kiss that garners applause from everyone else in the restaurant. _

*

She wakes up to a text from Beca on Sunday morning.

**Beca (5:04 a.m.):** My flight just got in an hour ago. Meet up this afternoon?

She turns to her side, glancing at Andrew, still asleep on his side of the bed, before typing back her response.

**Chloe (6:21 a.m.):** I’ll see you around noon.

She tries to fall back asleep, but she can’t; she’s too excited to see Beca again this afternoon, her body already thrumming at the thought of Beca’s lips pressing against her in the most intimate places.

She gives up by ten, and decides to shower and dress herself for the day. Andrew is awake around eleven, stumbling into the kitchen with a yawn, his hair tousled from sleep, before he pulls her in for a quick kiss.

“You’re up early,” he hums observantly.

“I woke up and just couldn’t fall back asleep,” she replies with a forced smile. “What are you up to today?”

“I was going to head into the office for a bit this afternoon, just to finish up some of the projects that I’ve been working on,” Andrew says. “And then I was thinking that we could go for dinner later tonight?”

“Yeah, that’s fine,” Chloe replies distractedly, finishing up with the dishes. “I’m going out for a run this afternoon, I think.”

He nods. 

  
“Stay safe! Have a good run!” he calls out as she excuses herself, and starts jogging through the streets of Los Angeles, making her way towards the cul-de-sac where Beca’s house is. 

It’s a nice run, and Chloe’s sweating and beat-red from the heat by the time she makes it to Beca’s house. She does a careful scan of the neighborhood, just to make sure that no one is watching. And then she lets herself in the front door with the key that Beca hides under her doormat, smiling at the sound of the shower running upstairs.

Without much thought, she starts to undress herself before climbing into the shower to join Beca, sighing with relief at the cold water against her back. She wraps her arms around Beca’s waist and peppers her shoulder blades with kisses, sighing as Beca relaxes into her. 

“I missed you,” she whispers in Beca’s ear before returning to what she was doing, allowing her hands to roam freely across Beca’s body. She lets out a hum of approval as her hand comes to rest against the warmth between Beca’s legs. “And I can see that you missed me, too.”

Beca lets out an airy moan, and Chloe can’t help but throw herself completely into making Beca feel good, ignoring the feelings of guilt and the impossible heaviness of her wedding band. 

*

It takes every fiber in her being to force herself to leave Beca's house; she wants nothing more than to be able to lay naked and pressed against Beca until the end of time, but it’s almost three-thirty, and she knows that if she doesn't leave now, she won't beat Andrew home.

Chloe’s cheeks are flushed by the time she gets back to the apartment. Andrew isn’t back from the office yet, so she allows herself to sink into the couch to collect herself for a few minutes.

_ I can always stop,  _ she reminds herself gingerly, even though she knows that she can’t. 

She makes sure that by the time six o’clock rolls around, she’s freshly showered and dressed for an evening out. Andrew is already dressed and ready to go by the time he gets home, and they walk to their favorite restaurant a few blocks away, hand in hand.

It feels wrong, the way his hand fits with hers. She used to love the way that his hand was so much bigger than her’s. She used to love the way his fingers intertwined with hers, the way that he followed her lead. But now, she just feels trapped.

“What can I get for you folks today?” their waitress asks politely after they’ve been seated for a while. 

“Your usual?” Andrew asks her with a smile, and she nods, watching as he politely gives the waitress their order.

“It’s been a while since we’ve been out,” Chloe remarks with a sigh. “Any particular reason for tonight?”

Andrew looks a bit hurt for a minute, but he quickly masks it with a nonchalant shrug.

“I just figured that we could go out together,” he admits sheepishly. “I know that I’ve been busy with work and so have you, so I just kind of figured I’d do something nice for my beautiful wife.”

Chloe’s heart wrenches at the compliment, and she swallows the lump in her throat, instead, offering him what she hopes is a convincing smile.

“That was so sweet of you,” she assures him. “I’m sorry for seeming ungrateful. Really. I’m happy that we can spend some time together.”

He reaches across the table and takes her hand in his. 

“It’s okay, I forgive you,” he replies softly. 

She tries not to think about Beca the rest of their dinner, but as Andrew goes on about his latest marketing project, she can’t help but allow her mind to wander. She also tries not to dwell on the subsequent guilt that follows. 

They haven’t had sex in months, so when they get back to the apartment, and his hands wander to the zipper of her dress, Chloe doesn’t stop him. 

It’s over almost as fast as it starts, and she lets out soft whimpers and buries her face in the crook on his neck as he thrusts into her. 

“I love you,” he whispers after they’ve finished, her back pressed against his stomach.

She can’t bring herself to say it back, so instead, with silent tears rolling down her cheeks, she pretends to be asleep.

*

_ They start to plan for a wedding, but Chloe’s never been much of a planner, and neither has Andrew.  _

_ They’re sitting together in the living room of their shoebox apartment, drinking their coffee as he checks his emails and she scrolls through Facebook.  _

_ “What if we just did it?” he asks out of nowhere, looking up from his laptop. _

_ “Did what?” Chloe hums absentmindedly, still distracted by a picture of Beca on her timeline.  _

_ They haven’t spoken in what feels like forever, and she can’t help but stare at how ridiculously beautiful Beca is. It’s an advertisement for Beca’s sophomore album that’s being released in a couple weeks.  _

_ In all honesty, she’s forgotten about Beca. Being with Andrew makes it easy to escape from the reality of her life. Her friends have all moved on; they share the same friends together. Her entire world revolves around Andrew. _

_ But seeing Beca Mitchell for the first time in years pulls her from her daze and back into the stark reality, and reminds her of feelings that she’d long forgotten. _

_ “Neither of us really want to go through the planning of a wedding. And I don’t really want to spend another day where we aren’t married,” Andrew says, catching her attention again.  _

_ She’s sure that she looks like a deer in headlights as she looks up at him, suddenly feeling guilty for thinking about Beca in the presence of the man that she’s supposed to be  _ **_marrying_ ** _.  _

_ “I don’t have anything important to do today,” she replies quickly before she can even process what she’s agreeing to. _

_ “Neither do I.” _

_ Two hours later, they’re standing in the courthouse, Chloe in a baby blue dress she’d bought a couple weeks ago, Andrew in his nicest suit. And it’s not like she always imagined, in a church with her family and friends crying in the pews, with the Bellas as her bridesmaids, but in the moment, it’s perfect. _

_ The minute she says, “I do”, the minute she feels Andrew’s lips pressing against hers, the minute that she officially becomes Mrs. Andrew Nolan, she forgets that there was ever a time that they weren’t together. _

_ Andrew’s special like that, after all, and when Chloe looks at him, at her  _ **_husband,_ ** _ it’s like the whole world only revolves around the two of them. _

*

“Look, I know you don’t want anything to do with it,” Theo begins, and Beca just  _ knows  _ that whatever he’s about to say, she’s going to hate. “But I really think you should consider taking up that contract with Ryan Banks.”

“Theo, we talked about this already,” she scolds him with a grumble of annoyance. “I’m not entering a bearding contract with some slimy up-and-coming actor, just to boost his career.”

“It’s not just about his career,” he reminds her. “With your third album coming out soon, it wouldn’t hurt to garner attention. And Ryan isn’t just some up-and-coming actor. He’s a big deal right now. He just got nominated for an Emmy a couple weeks ago; it would be good for your image.”

It’s the last thing she wants; they both know that she’s not interested. But from a career standpoint, she knows she can’t afford to say no.

She didn’t quite expect her career to take off so quickly. She always knew she wanted to pursue music, but never in a million years did she think she’d end up in the booth instead of outside of it. She’s more successful than she ever dreamed of being.

After the success with her first and second albums, the release of her third album is slated to be wildly popular, especially with the success of the singles that they’ve already released.

But people speculate. She hasn’t dated  _ anyone  _ since the start of her career. Not that she’s had time between recording and touring and press. Not that she’s  _ wanted  _ to date anyone other than Chloe. 

And she knows that Theo’s just trying to protect her. She’s lucky enough that she’s able to maintain so much privacy, especially for someone so famous. Music is her first love, Chloe being her second. And she knows that if anyone finds out the truth about her sexuality, about her affair with Chloe, that she will lose both of those in a fell swoop.

“I’ll do it,” she concedes with a reluctant sigh, glaring at Theo as he smiles with excitement. “But no longer than a couple months. Two public outings, one paparazzi free-for-all, and then it’s over, understand?”

Theo nods enthusiastically.

“Done and done.”

*

**Beca: (3:42 p.m.)** Meet for lunch tomorrow?

**Chloe: (3:51 p.m.)** Everything ok?

**Beca: (3:52 p.m.)** It’s a long story and I’d love to tell you in person if you’re free.

**Chloe: (4:01 p.m.)** Our usual booth at 11.

*

She can’t help the jealousy boiling in the pit of her stomach as Beca explains everything to her. She  _ knows  _ that Beca doesn’t love him. She  _ knows  _ that it’s all fake, that it’s just for publicity, but it still hurts.

And then the realization strikes her that this must be how Beca feels all the time, having to share her with Andrew.

“I don’t want to do it,” Beca says quietly. “But you know how people love to whisper. And I just can’t risk that.”

“I trust you,” she replies gently, heart clenching as she says those three words. 

“I know, I know,” Beca insists. “I just. I feel like I’m-”

She pauses before she says the word that both of them know is coming next. 

_ I feel like I’m cheating.  _

“I know it’s not real,” Chloe assures her, and Beca nods. “And I appreciate that you’re doing this for us. I know it’s not easy for you to have to lie and pretend all the time.”

_ And I’m so sorry for being the reason that you have to lie and pretend all the time,  _ she thinks bitterly to herself.

The rest of their lunch is quiet. They eat together in silence, ignoring the elephant in the room. They part ways afterwards, for the first time in a long time, not going back to Beca’s house.

Chloe spends the rest of the day drowning herself in wine and her thoughts. She keeps drinking in hopes that it will erase her guilt, but it never goes away. Instead, she just thinks of how much she’s hurting Andrew by lying to him, by cheating on him, and how much she’s hurting Beca by just being involved with her.

_ I can stop at any time,  _ she assures herself.

*

_ She knows it’s a bad idea. She knows that it’s wrong to want Beca so badly when she’s married to Andrew, but she can’t help herself from pulling Beca in for a kiss in the backseat of their taxi. _

_ They’ve been hanging out a lot since that first reunion a month ago, and Chloe can’t help but feel grateful to have a friend to herself again. As much as she’s loved being a part of Andrew’s world, it’s nice to have something to herself, something that she doesn’t have to share with him. _

_ But this is new. They’ve been drinking and Beca just looks so  _ **_sexy_ ** _ in her leather jacket and those tight jeans, and Chloe can’t help herself. _

_ She half-expects Beca to pull away, to look at her with wide and frightened blue eyes, and awkwardly scold her for crossing that line. But she doesn’t. Instead, she feels Beca’s grip tightening on her shoulders as her tongue slips into Chloe’s mouth, pulling her in deeper. _

_ “We can always stop,” Beca says breathlessly, having the decency to feel ashamed after they’ve stopped kissing. _

_ And she should stop. They should stop. Her thoughts flicker to Andrew, who is asleep on his side of the bed, blissfully unaware. _

_ But then her eyes meet with Beca’s, and she takes it all in; Beca’s chest heaving as she tries to catch her breath, her cheeks flushed, pupils dilated. _

_ “I don’t want to stop.”  _

*

She doesn’t know how things got so fucked up, how they got to this point. But here she is, on a fake date with some Hollywood heart-throb. 

The last thing Beca wants is to be here, holding some slimeball actor’s hand as they walk through downtown L.A. together. But a deal is a deal, and the reminder that she’s doing this for her music, that she’s doing it for her and  _ Chloe _ , is enough to get her through the remainder of the afternoon.

She hates it. She hates Ryan Banks and his stupid, perfect face and slightly upturned nose. She hates that she has to hide all the time. She hates that she finally has Chloe, but not completely. She hates knowing that she has to share Chloe with Andrew, that Chloe won’t leave him.

And she hates that, too. 

She hates that she’s in this hell of her own doing, that timing didn’t work out, that she was too scared to speak out, that she and Chloe fell out of touch and that Chloe got married to someone else. She hates that this is what her life has become; a tangled web of lies.

*

“I can’t do this anymore.”

She hates those words, too, and the fact that she’s standing here saying them. 

“Bec,” Chloe begins with her, eyes already welling up with tears. 

“I can’t, Chloe,” she chokes out, wiping the tears from her eyes as she lets out a defeated sigh. “I’m so tired of hiding. I can’t keep doing this. I can’t be with you, knowing that you’ll never be fully mine. I’ve loved you for so long Chloe, and it’s not fucking fair, but neither of us said anything for too long, and now, we have to live with the consequences.”

Her vision is blurring from the tears, and she can feel her heart shattering into a million pieces as she thinks about how fucking  _ hard  _ this is. 

“But I love you,” Chloe sniffles. “I love you so much that it hurts. Is that not enough?”   
  


“You say you love me, Chloe, but you’re still married to him,” she replies sourly. “And I can’t keep hurting myself with the idea that we could be happy together.”

She waits for Chloe to say it, waits for the words, “I’ll leave him.” 

But they never come. 

“I’m sorry,” Chloe says in a whisper, eyes puffy and red from crying. “I’m so, so sorry.”

She can’t look Chloe in the eyes anymore. 

“You have to leave now,” she says, broken. 

“Beca-”

“Chloe,  _ please _ ,” she chokes out.

It takes every single fiber of her being not to beg for Chloe to stay. She can’t bring herself to watch as Chloe leaves, closing the front door behind her, taking Beca’s happiness along with her.

*

She tries not to think about Beca.

But fate seems to have other plans for her, because Beca is inescapable. With the release of her third album coming out, it’s all the media can talk about. Her music is on the radio and stuck in Chloe’s head. There are billboards and ads all over Los Angeles advertising Beca Mitchell.

She does her best just to ignore it.

*

Except, Beca texts her for the first time in three weeks. She’s hopeful that it’s going to be a long text begging her to come back, but instead, it’s just a link to one of Beca’s songs on Spotify. 

She debates even listening to it for the first ten minutes, just staring at the text until her eyes hurt from staring for so long. 

In a lapse of her better judgment, she caves and clicks the link, jaw dropping as she hears Beca’s voice fill the room. 

She listens to it over and over again with tears in her eyes, mulling the lyrics over and over again in her mind. She knows what she has to do, knows what she should’ve done a long time ago. 

  
  


*

“I want a divorce.”

It slips off her tongue so easily that she wants to cry, her heart cracking as she looks up at Andrew, who is staring at her in disbelief.

“Chloe, what’s going on?” he asks, clearly confused.

“I can’t be with you anymore, Andrew,” she replies weakly. “I just. I can’t.”

He just stares at her, blinking, as though he’s unsure of how to process anything that she’s just said.

“What can I do to fix it?” he musters, clearing his throat to hide the fact that he’s about to cry. “Please, just tell me how to fix it.”

She feels the tears hot on her cheeks as she shakes her head.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispers. “I’m not in love with you anymore.”

They’re both crying, and she wants to tell him the truth, but seeing him hurt and broken already, she just can’t bring herself to do so. Instead, she takes off her wedding band and lays it on the coffee table, before leaving the apartment and Andrew behind.

*

“Chloe?” 

Her eyes jolt open at the realization that Chloe is very publicly standing in front of her, quickly pulling her into the house and closing the door behind them.

“I told him I want a divorce,” Chloe says in a timid voice that’s unlike anything Beca has ever heard. “I left him.”

She thinks it’s a dream; it  _ has  _ to be. There’s no way that Chloe is actually standing here in front of her, telling her this. 

“Beca,” Chloe’s voice pulls her from her thoughts. “I’m choosing you. And I’m so sorry that it took this long for me to leave. I’m sorry for everything, for all the lying, for dragging you into this. I’m sorry for all the ways that I’ve hurt you. I never meant for you to get hurt.”

“Chloe, I,” is all she can muster. “What if it’s too late? What if it’s not meant to be anymore? I mean, what if this is our punishment for waiting all these years? For cheating?”

Chloe shakes her head.

“I  _ chose  _ to leave Andrew. I’m choosing you. Like I should’ve all those years ago. Because I’ve been in love with you for as long as I can remember, and being with you these past few months, even with all the lying and the hurting, it’s made me feel  _ alive  _ again. It’s made me feel like I’ve been colorblind for years, and now I’m finally able to see all these beautiful colors when I’m with you. And I can’t lose that. I can’t lose you, not again.”

Beca stares at her long and hard before she starts moving towards her. At first, Chloe thinks that she’s reaching for the door, but then, she feels the familiarity of Beca’s hands roaming her body, of Beca’s lips pressing against hers, and for the first time in years, she can breathe. 

Because Beca is all she’s ever wanted. 

Because Beca is her  _ everything,  _ has been her everything, for as long as she can remember.

And now, after twelve long years, she finally has her,  _ all of her.  _


End file.
